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Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
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The vague stories about
Lillian Trussman were pushing that prickly detective feeling in the pit of my
stomach. I pursued answers as subtly as I could, but with little success. I
spoke with my mother about spending so much time at the book store, but she
always seemed to change the topic or give me a bored-sounding “mm-hmm” or “yes
honey”. I decided the direct approach, as always, would be my only option for
getting what I wanted. So I asked Mr. Trussman if he’d come to my house for
cocoa one Sunday morning.
He was delighted that I
asked, and it was sunny but frigid the morning he knocked on my door. I had
bought a special decadent cocoa for this particular occasion, forgoing my usual
plain old Swiss Miss. We settled in at the kitchen table and, par for the
course, I dove into my interrogation.
“Theo, I’m glad you came
over to spend some time with me. I have some questions and I absolutely need
answers or I’m going to go crazy.” I regarded him cautiously, looking for any
indication that I should stop my line of questioning.
He nodded slightly and I
continued. “When I asked Milo about his mom, he said that I remind him of her.
Do you think so?”
“Yes, yes I do. You even look
a lot like her,” he replied, then tipped his mug for another sip.
“Do you have a picture of
her?”
Theo hesitated, but reached
into the back pocket of his trousers and pulled out a brown leather wallet. He
flipped it open and took out a worn picture with some of the edges folded, the
layers of paper separating. He looked at it for a while, then handed it to me.
I glanced down and what I
saw baffled me. It was like looking at a picture of an older version of myself;
green eyes, auburn hair, fair skin. I looked up at Theo, desperate for an
explanation, but all he did was sigh.
“Oh come on, Theo.” I held
the picture up next to my face. “This time, tell me the whole story.” I set the
picture down in front of him.
“Okay. I suppose that you
have become much too curious to hide this any longer. What I am about to tell
you is going to change our relationship forever. Are you certain you are ready
for this?” He stared at me, glaring into my eyes, looking for any sliver of
doubt. But he found none.
“I need answers, Theo. I
care about you no matter what you have to say to me.”
“Well, we shall see when all
is said and done.” He shifted in his chair and leaned toward me. “Lily. Sweet,
sweet Lily. The woman in the picture is your mother.”
I inhaled sharply,
gracefully choking on my own saliva as I did so. When my coughing and gagging
fit was over, I stared at Theo. “Are you sure?”
He nodded and said, “One
hundred percent positive.” He sat quietly, graciously giving me time to
process, to collect my thoughts.
I felt my eyes widen and my
jaw drop as something dawned on me. If I had been in a cartoon, you’d have seen
a light bulb pop on over my head. “That means… Vin and Milo are my…”
“Brothers!” Theo said
cheerfully. His facial expression sobered when he looked at my face and saw
what I was sure was shock and confusion.
“Do they know who I am? Do
they still think I died in childbirth? I’m assuming that I was that baby,
right?”
“No, the boys do not know,
not for certain anyways. But they are starting to ask questions as well. And
yes, you are the baby in the story we all tell when the topic arises. Lily, I
was in a miserable place when Lillian passed. When I looked at you, all I could
think about was how she was gone. I blamed that innocent little baby. I know
that it was ridiculous and I realize now how awful I was for giving you up
instead of facing the pain and forging through it. I had become friends with a
man who had a family of all boys and whose wife could no longer bear children
but wanted a girl. The rest is, well, you know.” He sat back, waiting for my
response.
“Parker Stone, my dad… you
were his friend? You gave me to my parents because you were too sad to keep me
around? Then they must know about the stores…” I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear
more, but that had been the reason I invited him; information.
“Well, yes.” I saw Theo’s
face turn a deep crimson, and he bowed his head. “They funded all that I needed
to start the first book store in exchange for your adoption. I made my dream come
true and crushed yours all at once.”
I stood and pushed my chair
back, making a horrible scraping sound across the floor. I walked toward the
balcony, grabbed a blanket off the back of the sofa on my way, slid open the
doors and walked through. I closed the door firmly behind me, making the point
that I wanted to be alone. Thankfully, I remembered to close the storm windows in
my enclosed balcony before the snow hit, and I was well protected from the
storm. I turned on the heater that I kept there, and curled up on a chair near
the vent. I drew my knees to my chest, wrapped the fleece blanket around me
like a cocoon and looked out at the swirling snow. Although it was mid-morning,
the dark storm clouds made it feel later.
The noise in my head was
unbearable. I pressed my fingers to my temples, somehow thinking that I could
push the thoughts into order from the outside. They whipped around, mimicking
the wind that was threatening to burst through my windows, a flurry of emotion
spiraling through my brain. I took a few deep breaths, closed my eyes, and
rested my forehead against my knees.
After some time had passed,
I heard the scrape of the sliding door on the track. Theo walked through and,
after closing the door behind him, sat beside me.
Theo spoke, “I have no words
I can say that will make you feel better. But please know that I love you, and
I am happy to have found you. I cannot wait to see what the future has in store
for you.”
I looked up at him, tears
streaming, and said, “You are a liar. You need to leave now.”
He stood and started to open
the balcony door. He turned to me, eyes watery. “I know that you are angry now,
Sweet Lily, but please do not be mad forever. Come and talk to me when you feel
up to it, I will miss you too much.”
“Don’t call me Sweet Lily!
Get out!” I shouted at him. I held back the tears, giving Theo the angriest
face I could muster. He made his way through the apartment, bundling up with
his head drooped, and when I heard the door to the apartment click closed, I
let the real sobs begin.
At some point during the
afternoon, I had moved myself from the balcony to the living room, stopping
only for wallowing supplies in the kitchen on my way. I sat on the couch, some
Hugh Grant movie playing, eating ice cream out of the carton. I was pouring
chocolate syrup directly into the bucket, eyes puffy and red, a couple of
sprinkles stuck to my shirt. That’s how Sophie found me, spoon in one hand and
chocolate syrup in the other.
“Ooooh, my God, Lily. Put
down the syrup.” She walked to the couch and took all the junk food away from
me. She sat beside me and handed me a tissue. “What happened? Theo came to the
shop and was crying. He asked if he could talk to Vin and Milo alone. They
closed the shop. What is going on?”
This led to another round of sobbing, sputtering attempts to explain to Sophie, and finally calming down enough to talk without involuntary hiccups and shuddering. After I finished telling her how my morning had gone, she hugged me tight, and we sat for a while just like that.
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That's it for today. Stay tuned for some great posts in the next week or so.
If you'd like to move on, here's Part 8.
Thanks for stopping by!
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