This entire ordeal is stupid. I'm just going to start out with that. It's stupid like when a perfectly wonderful lovely healthy person is diagnosed with cancer, stupid like a woman who has been trying for years to get pregnant has a miscarriage, stupid like a competent intelligent person losing their job because they were the last one hired. It's stupid because there just isn't a good enough word to describe hundreds of thousands of people dying without a good cause. (Ripe old age is the only good cause in my book)
First, let me just say I'm a Type 1 Diabetes mom, an ADHD mom, and an autism mom. I have worked as a medical transcriptionist and a medical biller. I'm not an "expert" so to speak, but I have common sense, experience, and knowledge in my brain to find the right answers to the things I don't know, especially when it comes to medical situations.
Second, this is my blog, my thoughts, and my perspective. You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to think I'm right, but you do have to respect me.
Third, this is in no particular sequence or organization; it's basically a collection of my journalistic musings for the duration of quarantine to this point. I've Marie Kondo'ed the shit out of my life. It's a deep cleaning of the inner corners of these rough last 70+ days. I'm not sure simply scrubbing out things that don't bring you joy is always a healthy thing, but I think for now, it is.
I took a break from FB for a while and wrote this thing and just decided to post it today. I admit I got sucked into the hate hole of FB comment sections and while I generally now am respectful when posting my passionate responses, I had gotten to a point where I wasn't eloquent or kind anymore. (BTW, swearing can be eloquent when used properly)
If I've been belligerent or unpleasant on anyone's post regarding this, I apologize. I also feel like I'm probably not alone in that irritating feeling bubbling just under your skin; constantly on the haunches, ready for battle. Fight or flight at its finest in what is probably a pretty appropriate situation for it to brew. My biggest hopes for releasing this intimate and personal look into my brain is one; to cleanse my soul and start fresh. Two; hopefully articulate some feelings maybe other people are having that either can't be worded or are too vague to put your finger on.
To be frank, this contains unsavory language, harsh truths, a little humor, and this woman's opinions.
This virus is like a terrible narcissistic boyfriend; making you think you're crazy, convincing you that you're making things up to fit your preferred narrative, never telling you if it's going to kill someone. The thing is facts are facts and feelings are feelings. Between the anxiety of this virus and the willy-nilly of social media, people tend to toss them in a bag and mix them up, often pulling out one in place of another.
I can only proceed as I know. And what I do know is that it's really scary when my son is sick. We have no idea how CV would affect him if he were to catch it. I don't really care what everyone else is thinking or feeling about how we handle things, all I care about is that it's my responsibility to keep him alive, to act appropriately for his protection, and to hold people around us to that standard if they want to participate in our lives.
I know a lot of people have been agitated, frustrated, and fed up with lock-down stuck with their families. It's helped us. We have grown as a family unit and learned a lot about each other in this phase of our lives. Ken and I are heading into our 40s and Will is a teenager; we're all just doing our best to navigate it and having this time to explore that has knitted our relationships closer together and taught us to communicate more effectively. Now, don't get me wrong. There have been screaming matches, groundings, sleeping on couches. It's not all been pretty, but it's been real and it's been educational.
I do not subscribe to herd immunity when it comes to this virus. The things we need to be immune to that could really kill us, we were vaccinated for when we were children. Have you had polio? Measles? Mumps? Bubonic plague? (okay, that's stretching, but my point's been made) Our families would not suffer every year from pink eye, common cold, bronchitis, head colds, allergies, etc., if there were herd immunity to that, which makes the argument of "sheltering in place is hurting our immunity to other colds and viruses" invalid.
Pet peeve: People skewing numbers to fit their narrative.
Fact: About 61,000 people were killed from the 2017-2018 flu season. That was 19 weeks.
Fact: 34,157 people died from the 2018-2019 seasonal flu. That was 21 weeks.
Fact: In the US, 100,000+ people were killed from Feb/Mar to May, about 12 weeks.
How does that add up to Fact: the seasonal flu kills more people than this is????? It's not even done, guys! It's like hold my beer, I got more damage to do!
I know this is a weird yardstick, but I feel like the same people who are deniers will be more impacted by a statistic like this: 19+ actors, directors, writers, singers, songwriters, and other celebrities have been killed by this virus in 3 months. Many more have fallen seriously ill and have lifelong repercussions if they do manage to survive. How many famous people die every year from the seasonal flu? I don't have that number, so if anyone does, please share it with me, I'd love to know.
Masks work. Period. We wouldn't force our doctors to wear them for surgeries and other procedures if they didn't. I have read a LOT about this, past and present information. There are a million research studies on masks and their effective capacity and I'm not going to bore you with that here. Go look it up. Use a GOOD source. One thing that seems largely agreed upon is that people can be asymptomatic and carrying the virus for up to 2 weeks, which is why the masks are an important element of protection. Many people can carry it without even knowing and that means it branches out forever until people way in the outer circles of acquaintance and beyond start contracting the disease.
Mental health, dude. I've pretty much gotten my anxiety handled, but this virus has me stressed. I cry randomly-when the delivery dudes take snacks or whatnot from the cooler out front I leave so they have something to get them through their day, that makes me cry. When I think about people dying alone because their families can't be by their side, I cry. I try to balance between taking things seriously and feeling the things deeply and distracting myself so I don't spiral into an irretrievable abyss of anguish. I oscillate between "handling this shit" and "what is happening?" daily, sometimes hourly. I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this. So what have I been doing to stop the insanity? Helping Will with new curriculum and balancing spending time with him and giving him space (that's hard!). I'm in two book clubs, reading about 3 books every 2 weeks. I craft, do puzzles, watch tv, became a professional jewel artist, and spent many hours in front of my piano keyboard trying to learn Piano Man. I've been eating some days really good and some days everything in the house, but have successfully lost 8 pounds. Coming out of quarantine lookin like a snack, y'all. Also, Tiktok. Not to post, but to watch. Do it.
The statement (used suspiciously as a veiled insult): "Well of course you support the quarantine, your life isn't any different now than it was before." Well, you can go ahead and fuck yourself then. We had anxiety about leaving the house before this even started, so duh, this is absolutely a freakin cakewalk for us and eases our anxious souls for sure. Get the hell out of here with that statement; that condescending, holier-than-thou statement.
I think people are putting their faith too blindly in what the media says-not to be confused with the phrase "fake news" because that makes me want to throat punch people, but because the media are so carefully wording things to protect themselves, that the public can take whatever they want and run with it.
What's happening is that scientists are doing the research and because the public's appetite for information is so ravenous, they're releasing their data without much or any peer review. What you're then seeing is that the original researcher is getting "roasted" by their peers, a process that is generally civilly done via meetings, emails, and telephone conversations. This is causing the public to have conflicting information and causing them to argue among themselves because their trust in science wavers, even though it's a process that's been happening for years, albeit privately. The advice then changes based on the progression of findings, which is normally released after all the debating and proving/disproving is completed. But now, the population is losing trust in all of this because the process they don't usually see is being laid out through the eyes of the media.
The general reality is there isn't enough research or data to give any sort of sound medical advice so the administration is flailing on trying to protect people while also affording them their civil rights. People are more tied up in either trying to provide for their families or trying to fight their way back into their "rights" to do as they please freely than they are in the harsh reality of what's going on, and that's so conflicting that it's causing a lot of frustration. Someone's right to be free doesn't also afford them the right to be flippant with other people's lives.
The glaring and disappointing reality is that enough of the general population either can't afford not to work or don't care enough about others to do anything to protect each other. Which is why there will be wave after wave until people learn more and enough sound research is done by scientists to find a cure or a vaccine.
Morgues are filled with perfectly healthy 30-40 year old adults who have died from this, so it's no longer a point that only compromised individuals are at risk.
The plague and the Spanish flu resolved eventually, as will this. I will gladly lose a comfortable free year or two of my life now to get 50 more later with my family. That being said, our government and our fellow Americans need to come together to make that happen.
I 100% believe that if our government were better equipped and competent at crisis response, people would be much more comfortable sheltering in place. Instead, people are not receiving stimulus checks or unemployment; struggling to pay bills, put food on the table, and small businesses are drowning which equates to them having no other choice than to take risks otherwise unnecessary. I'm no economist by far, but my instincts tell me that if we had worried less about bailing out big corporations and paying for a certain person's continuous golf outings, we would be better equipped to bail out individual families and small businesses to make sure all the citizens are fed and comfortable while keeping themselves and each other safe. I don't think many of us who are arguing among ourselves are actually angry with each other, I think we're furious with a government that has let us down. We are the closest thing within reach to unleash our fears, anger, and frustration upon, so there it lies. We need to redirect that to our government for not being adequately prepared, for not quickly acting to contain the situation, for not putting human life above all else, for letting the bottom dollar rule, and for being willing to sacrifice the people to keep the almighty dollar pulsing through the veins of our elitist politicians and millionaires.
Opening restaurants is probably going to bring on the second wave of deaths. People have to wear masks in order to protect each other in public, but then you're going to let them take those off in a public place and masticate, breathe, talk, and touch a million things at a restaurant? Doesn't that sound germy and gross without a virus going on? (that's this germophobe's opinion, it's absolutely okay if you disagree with it). If you're going to catch something, this is the place to do it.
Nobody cares more or less than anyone else per se, but our priorities are different. We care about things differently, which makes them more important to us than they would be to someone else. That's okay, there's no need to justify it, argue about it, or even defend it if you don't want to. Make peace with having your own priorities and knowing that they aren't the same as everyone else.
I've realized that as much as I want to and have yelled and pouted that others are rude or selfish if they don't want to wear masks, I've convinced myself I'm not responsible for their actions, only mine (to be clear, I KNOW this is how it works, but sometimes we need to remind ourselves). I don't necessarily need to make people believe what I believe, but I do think that open minds make the world a better place. I've picked and kept the people in my life for a reason; they want to get me, want to understand why I do things the way I do, they respect my decisions and feelings. I've realized it's okay to let go of people if they don't agree with your core values. There's a hard line between judging someone for what they believe and letting go of someone who fundamentally disagrees with how you want to live your life. These values are what attract you and bond you to people in the first place, and as life surely goes, those can change over time. Release the people who don't respect those core values. It doesn't have to be hostile, just a simple, "I don't think we're in the same place in life right now and some things you are saying are a dealbreaker for me." We are a generation hellbent on instilling in our children to walk away from relationships that contradict your important beliefs or where you can't fully be yourself. Why would we accept these in our friendships let alone our love relationships?
People have gotten weird. Am I going to continue to judge people? Welllll.....I'm going to try my hardest not to, but if you, say, intentionally spit, cough, or sneeze at people and say you have Covid even if you don't, I will definitely view you as a terrorist on a very minor scale. And I will judge you not because I'm a Judge Judy, but because it says a lot about who you are as a person and what kind of respect (or lack of) you have for other people's personal space. And those are the people that make me happy to stay put. If you don't want me to live in fear, don't be a scary friggin bully.
Guys, it's okay to feel whatever you have to feel during this. Relish it, bathe in it, dwell in it for now if you must. Don't let it linger for too long and don't let it rule everything. If you're scared, be it. If you're angry, be it. If you believe this is the rapture and we're all gonna die, if you believe the masks work or not, if you believe staying home saves lives, if you believe the world needs to get back to normal, if you believe you need to get back with all your people and have a good time, go ahead. But you better be crystal effing clear what the people around you are feeling and respect their boundaries and beliefs. That's a life lesson, not just a quarantine lesson....two for the price of one.
And be gentle with yourselves. Remember school at home is different than homeschooling. I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more. What you're doing is rough. We don't do things that way! What we do is much more natural, flowing, and suited specifically to our child and their routine and schedule. There's no right or wrong way to parent during this; screen time or not, strict schedule or Lord of the Flies, clean house or messy house... it's all good as long as you're all safe and healthy and happy.
As for me and my home? We're going to do what feels comfortable and what makes us feel safe. We're going to take things as we have all along; day by day. We might social distance for the next year, who knows? We're prepared for it, and we whole-heartedly and deeply appreciate any single person who has in any capacity given us the grace and peace to make it possible for us to do what makes us feel safe and comfortable.
Be smart friends. Ultimately we just want to be with the people we love without empty chairs when this is all said and done.
