Just to be clear, I believe that everyone has a path that they travel. Some people do things in the "right" order; college, career, engagement, marriage, sex, kids. Some people have kids, then get married. Many people have sex before marriage. No way is the correct path. And every way is the correct path. I took the path I did, and everything in my life happened the way it did because it had to. If it hadn't, I wouldn't be where I am today, which is getting closer and closer to perfection with every passing day. No regrets. Ever. (Basically, I'm not advocating any specific age to become sexually active, it's right at different times for different people-preferably people who can buy condoms and properly use them, even if it's uber-embarrassing.)
The reason I'm saying this? Because here's my thought of the day: I rarely find myself wanting to be a teenager again. I was awkward and clumsy; unpopular and the "try-too-hard" girl. But sometimes, when life gets overwhelming, I beg for 17 again; those days when all I had to worry about was passing my classes, not getting caught sneaking around, and the scariest thing in the world was an unplanned pregnancy. Dear God, I wish the most stressful thing in my life was slinking into a store to embarrassingly buy condoms and hope like hell our parents didn't find them.
That being said, my post today is more of a vent, a release if you will. The past year has been trying, with a lot of things pressing down on me, trying to squash my spirit. And as hard as it is for me to hold a grudge, sometimes people say things to you that stick in your mind and can chip away at your confidence. This unhealthy hangup is a nasty habit that I have been working very hard to eliminate. So as you can imagine, being virtually unemployed for the past year has elicited some disparaging, unwelcome-although generally unintentional-digs at my persona. Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can break your spirit. And I think a few days ago, I reached my breaking point.
Factoring that in with other stressful situations happening around me to people I care about, I had enough. I felt broken, unimportant, void of purpose, and that all of the things I've done in the past few years have just been unfinished business, a series failures and "incompletes".....Wait. Is that?.... Regret? No! I wouldn't do it. And thank goodness for my husband who tolerates my silly meltdowns and knows how to steer this ship back on course.
It took some talking through, but I've realized that I'm not a failure. I simply refuse to settle. I am good at a lot of things, but just because you are successful at something, doesn't mean it's the perfect place for you to be in your life. For example, I worked very hard to become a certified medical biller. That is some HARD SHIT. There is a SIX hour test to become certified. And I passed. First try. With an 82. And yet, here I am two years later with zero interest in becoming a medical biller. Everything I've tried and moved on from in the past couple of years have just been a series of attempts at finding my place in the world. It's easy for me to see it for what it is: finding my way, even if it's blindly and randomly trying things.
I know I've said this before, but I can never say it enough times; editing is my passion. When I started doing this, I knew it was exactly what I should be doing. And now that my husband and I have had a good long talk working all of this out, we have decided that I should pursue freelance editing as a full-time career. It has all of the components that I have been looking for to fill the empty spots in my life.
I'm optimistic and uplifted, and so happy that my blog followers are following along with me in this journey; not only of discovering and conquering the editing business, but in the journey of life as well.
Have a great weekend!! Thanks for stopping by!
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