Friday, July 11, 2014

Catharsis, cancer and contemplation

As I sit here listening to the Summer Hits of the '90s on Pandora and face the extremely busy week ahead, I think about the stress and chaos the last few months have laid on my shoulders. Although I've never been good with stress, I'd like to think that I've dealt with everything that I have over the last few months mostly well-with a few glitches here and there (which I hope would be expected, considering).

*Side note: If you don't know, my mom had a biopsy of a tiny spot on her breast the day after Thanksgiving, 2 lymph nodes removed the Monday after Christmas, found out she had cancer in January and started chemo on Valentine's Day. She is a few weeks out of chemo and begins radiation this coming week. I have been planning a benefit for the last few months that is taking place next weekend.

Everyone knows that people who are battling cancer are going through a lot, it's visual and tangible. What I don't think people understand is that family members suffer too. Of course it's not in the same way, but we have our own concerns and face our own demons in other ways. Just because we are not struggling with an illness does not make our feelings any less important. We wonder if we are at risk too, we face a family member's mortality, we go through stages of grief even if our loved one is doing well and recovering. For me personally, it has forced me to further come to terms with something that has always scared me: life is finite. Time is precious.

That being said, I have recently had many (pleasantly) surprising encounters; mentally, spiritually, socially... I have repaired some broken bridges, found support and healing in the strangest places, and found that our family, friends and our community are some of the most solid, caring people you'll find. You just never know who has your back and these types of situations you really find the people you can lean on. I'm hoping that along the way I've been this for other people because knowing now how the smallest things or words even can help out, I realize how important it is to put into the world in order to get back.... actually, to put more than what you get back. Call it karma, call it a commandment, call it whatever you want. The golden rule is named such for a reason; do unto others as you'll have done unto you.

Something else that's been magnified is thankfulness. My heart bursts with gratitude for the help I've received in every pursuit I've set forward to accomplish, the last two months especially. It's given me a drive to continue and expand my generosity towards others. A good pat on the back or 'atta boy' can sate a sinking ego, but it doesn't hold up in the long run.

I once listened to a motivational speaker for a job I had, and although I thought some of what he said was silly and quirky (and being only about 20 at the time, I'm sure I was unable to fully digest the magnitude of what he was teaching), there is one thing that has always stuck out in  my head, even now-about 13 years later... and typing this, I feel like I've written it here before but it bears repeating..... "Remember that everyone you meet is the doing the best they can at that moment." What this means to me is that A) it reinforces the fact that you simply cannot judge someone based on a single meeting, or even a couple of meetings because you have no idea what they are going through outside of your interaction, and B) I need to be more conscious of how I am acting so that when people meet me, the best I am at that moment is uplifting, helpful, honest, and caring.

So with the likes of Vertical Horizon, Gin Blossoms, Eagle Eye Cherry and Oasis fueling this deep post, I also realize that music just doesn't have the feeling and meaning it used to. I mean, Wonderwall could be part of the soundtrack to my life, but I don't see Thrift Shop or "Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle" playing in the background in the movie of my life.

I've also come to an important life realization in all of this. I love organizing vendor and crafter fairs, but I do not want to organize benefits. They are exhausting!!!!


Oh, and WTF is up with True Blood? Why are they going all Game of Thrones on us??? I know it's the last season and all, but stop ripping my heart out every episode!!! (end rant)

So thanks for listening, and for being kind to someone who's laid their heart out there on the table for everyone to see. Remember to be kind to everyone you see because they're fighting their own battles.

Thanks for stopping by!

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