I am not strong today.

I am not strong today.

Being a primary caregiver to a child with Type 1 Diabetes is hard, I don't think anyone would argue that. I do my best not to complain, not to let it overcome me. Some days that's impossible.

Today is 4 days with little sleep. Night one was drastic lows. Nights 2-4 were big highs and adjusting insulin constantly. With his monitor alarming me every time he was above or below certain numbers, then working all day... it made for a difficult week. 

Yesterday I started a bad head cold (one of the "pros" on my pro/con list of homeschooling-no more foreign germies!!). Stress and lack of sleep mess with my immune system, and basically 100% of the time stress manifests itself as colds or body aches and pains for me.

Today is a bad day. Not every day is like this, and it won't always be like this, but today is a bad day.

For me, lack of sleep is also the main trigger of my depression and anxiety. If I get my 7-9 hours every night, I'm good to go and rarely suffer from them. But this week has been anywhere from 3-5 hours solidly any of those 4 nights. So I took a sick/mental health day. Today I'm holed up in my bedroom, in my jammies, cuddling the kittens, eating snacks (both healthy and then not so much healthy) and watching shows and writing and crying at toilet paper commercials. I've had much worse days of depression and much MUCH worse days of anxiety. But it's still not any fun.

Tomorrow will be a better day, and most likely the next too. And some time, probably soon, I will have a bad day again. But it's not always going to be bad. Once in a while I just have to eat crap food and watch a Sister Wives marathon and think how wonderful it is to have only one husband and one child and how that is more than enough to keep me busy. 

So I apologize for not being a good friend today. I'm sorry for shortened conversations, lack of interest in you and lack of communication in general. Not every week will be like this one, I promise!

Today is a bad day. I will allow myself to have a bad day. It makes me appreciate the good days that much more.

Making a comeback!!!

Well guys, it's been over a year since I posted because, well, life and stuff.

Since I last posted, the last book of the series The Phoenix Project by M.R. Pritchard was edited and sent off. Resurrection was a work of love, and complete and total heartbreak, like when you read the last Harry Potter book. I'm so sad to see that series end, but M.R. is alluding to a spin-off which would just please me to bits.

Also, just a vent/warning: I've had a horrible run-in with an online publishing group. I was looking for more editing work, and they were very unprofessional. The Association of Independent Publishing Professionals (aipponline.org) don't tell you up front that even if you pay the $170 fee to become a member, they can still reject you if they don't like your profile. Their website is difficult to navigate, and the spot where they say that you need to have a professional website is buried many clicks deep to get to anything. Then they keep a $20 "application" fee, and refund the rest if they decide you don't fit in their clique. Needless to say, I sent a nasty email. Lesson learned.

You'd think that with a year having gone by, I'd have lots to discuss, but really I just want to jump back into the habit of writing. Not to mention, life really has just been helping at my husband's shop and taking care of little Mr. T1D. (My 9-year-old son with diabetes) I'm hoping to write again, maybe even pick up the book store series again and finish that up. I have some other ideas in the works, but I truly am more of a behind-the-scenes chick, so we'll see what happens!

Keep on writing friends. It's good to be back.
-K

50 Shades of It's Just A Book

Okay, I decided to show what happens when you pull information from the bible out of context and use it to back up your feelings. It's just not always legitimate. I know this is going to cause all sorts of chaos, but I'll disclaim ahead of time. 

I have a good heart. I believe in God, but I do not believe in an outdated book that people pick perfect little pieces from to support their agendas or beliefs. I believe in being kind to each other, respecting each other and the earth, and doing unto others as you'd have done to you. I believe that people should get married and have kids, in that order, but I also don't believe that premarital sex is a one-way ticket to hell. I believe that everyone has their own story, their own journey, and if it doesn't happen the way God believes or I believe it should, then I should keep my damn nose out of it, appreciate their story and love them for who they are and not their past.

I also believe in freedom of speech, gay marriage and good literature. I believe in awesome debates and butting heads because it makes people think and care about things. I believe in stepping outside of your comfort zone in nearly every aspect you can because that's usually where life happens! I believe in an open mind and that happiness is defined differently for every single person.

I'm writing this because yes, I did read 50 Shades of Grey, and I may not pay to see the movie, but I might watch it when it's free on some platform. My biggest irritation is people claiming that the bible is dead set against all themes involved with this story.

I have some feelings on this...

A: 50 Shades is a work of fiction. It's a book. I've read much more horrific and terrifying things than this. (Have you ever read Stephen King? How about the A Child Called It series by Dave Pelzer? THAT is truly horrifying.) With some people's reactions, if you've watched or read anything with any sort of love scene in it, then you're sinning, and I find it hard to believe that some of these people follow through with this conviction throughout their entire lives. That would mean very limited television, movie and book exposure. If people do live that way, then more power to you! I admire the commitment and self-control you must have.

B: The verses below are pictures I personally took from my Precious Moments bible, a "children's" bible, which I had read cover to cover by the time I was in 6th grade. Stripped of everything else in the world, do these passages seem appropriate for school-age children? Would you let your kids read this when they are in 1st-6th grade? I feel that would violate my previous sentiments.

C: The Good Book is flawed in this; bad people use it out of context, and it doesn't allow for the progressing times. I don't believe that God leads with fear, and that is what a lot of the bible drills into your head. Well, I don't want to be afraid of God. I don't think he wants me to be afraid of him. I think he accepts me for who I am, flaws and all. I think he forgives bad behaviors and rewards good behaviors. I think he allows us to feel what we want, when we want and gives us power to work through things so we learn from our journey. I think he gives us fear so that we know that these are the things we have to overcome and that if we fear something, we're probably on the right path.

Now, I'm not trying to discredit the bible, I'm not trying to start a religious uprising. All I'm trying to say is that the same bible that preaches some of the very beliefs that I uphold, that most humans-regardless of religious beliefs-adhere to (back to being kind and respectful, love thy neighbor, honor thy father & mother, etc), the same bible that preaches basic human decency, is the very place that I found some of these passages that promote heinous behaviors. Everyone is afraid of something. Fear does not equal sin. 

I do not condone domestic violence, and I understand that the relationship between the two characters-especially their physical relationship-is not something that everyone will feel comfortable with. That's fine. Nobody is being forced to read the series, watch the movies or live the lifestyle. But it's unfair to judge the books or movies if you A) haven't read/seen them, or B) don't understand the relationship.  

I get it. I don't have a relationship like this, but for whatever reason, I understand why these two characters are the way they are. I understand why they feel comfortable in their roles of their relationship. I also understand that the way they interact is not domestic violence. Plus, it's fiction. I see some manipulation, sure, but I've never met anyone on this planet that didn't manipulate in some way, even if their intentions were pure and good. It's human nature. Plus, it's just a book. I think a lot of people have judged quickly and skimmed the surface of this series. If you look deeply, there are many facets, undertones, and layers of human complications, heartache and finding a connection with someone you truly love. It's not all about the sex in this book, and that is the biggest misconception that people have thoroughly blown out of proportion. Plus: It. Is. A. Book.

I've said my piece. I'm open-minded, and I believe people are inherently good. Everyone is just looking for a place to fit in. I just think that everyone just needs to remember that these are CHARACTERS in a book, not real human beings on trial.

The Summer of Feels

"It was the best of times. It was the worst of times."

This has been a year of the never-ending "somethings", as I call it. As in, there's always something happening, good or bad, and there's no slowing down. There hasn't been a lot of time to sit back and relax, enjoy or do much of anything extracurricular. 

The year started with finding out my mom had breast cancer, then immediately after that (like literally, the next day) we traveled to Boston and taped an episode of "I Found The Gown" for my sister. I planned my mom's benefit, which was equally awesome, emotional, stressful, rewarding, and exhausting. My cousin passed away at the age of 33 from a heart attack as the result of an enlarged heart, in August. Now school time is here and it's homework, meetings, cub scouts, and keeping our heads above water. 

Through it all, I've been silently (and sometimes not so silently) suffering; exhaustion, random aches and pains-including stiffness with staying in the same position for more than 20 minutes or so, tingling appendages, chest pain and stomach issues. It took from about April until August/September, but we finally figured out that I have fibromyalgia. I can't really explain this "disease". It's so complicated, hard to describe, hard to diagnose, and hard to convince people that you're actually suffering from something and not just whining all the time.

Being an editor/writer/paperwork girl, I'm sitting a lot, often cramped in the same position for hours without even thinking about it. I knew something was seriously wrong when I danced a single slow dance with my husband at a wedding and my hip hurt so bad, I could barely put weight on it. I mean, I know I'm out of shape, but I'm too young for arthritis...right?

So the last month or so has been a lot of symptom maintenance, chiropractor appointments, ice/heat packs and ibuprofen. I'm working on using natural methods to keep my symptoms at bay, including essential oils. 

I'm hoping that now I've learned that I need to slow my life down a little, enjoy the sweet little moments, I'll be able to write some more and keep you guys entertained. 

I've also been working on editing some more of M.R. Pritchard's work, and here's a little graphic for your enjoyment:

So that's what has been keeping me busy, and has kept me missing my blogging. I really hope that things work out so that I can come back here more often and chat. 

I've missed ya'll!!

Thanks for stopping by!

Movie Monday!

Hey hey, movie Monday! 

I found this little gem in the middle of an insomnia-fueled movie marathon a month or 2 ago, and I keep forgetting to share it!

This is a sweet little rom-com that is light and endearing. Alexis Bledel and Jay Baruchel are two of my favs, so I was interested in this movie from the start. Baruchel plays Reed Fish, who runs a radio show with the town's mayor (Katey Sagal) and his friend from school. Reed is engaged to Alexis Bledel's character, and complications arise when Reed's old crush comes back into town. He encourages her to sing at an open mic night, and thus ensues the tangled love triangle.

Very sweet movie. Not too deep, so it was a perfect light film for insomnia. You can currently find it on Netflix I believe. I hope you try it out and enjoy!!

Thanks for stopping by!

My son tells me I'm beautiful, and I believe him.

I always try to lift my son up and boost his ego while still maintaining humility.

You look awesome/cool/handsome.
You did a great job!
You used good manners.
Etc....

What we have to understand is that kids can see how you perceive yourself, even when you don't realize what your own thoughts are. It only took a couple of times for my son to call me out before I caught on to him.

I remember one day saying something about how I felt chubby or something in an outfit I was wearing and Will said to me; 'You look beautiful Mommy.' Besides melting my heart, he also made me realize that I have to change my own perceptions and accept myself for who I am; imperfections and all. I may not 'live up' to what I think should be right, but I'm enough for him, and that is enough for me.

It's okay to set goals for yourself, try to be the best and healthiest you can be, but instead of shaming ourselves, we should be praising ourselves for the good job we are doing in the meantime. It's okay to teach our kids to be proud of who they are and of every effort they put in to being the best version of themselves. And if they can see us with pure innocent eyes, we should allow ourselves to look in the mirror and see the same thing!

Thanks for stopping by!

Blog: Reloaded

Now that my mom's benefit is complete and I have my time back to myself, I can pour my heart into writing and editing once more. Nothing makes me happier than books, words, paper and pencil...

I'm currently working on another MR Pritchard original, Sparrow Man. I look forward to my friends and family getting into this novel. It's similar to Saratoga which was released late last year, but SM has more mature undertones and even a couple steamy scenes. I appreciate the way MR relays the intimate encounters; not too graphic, gentle verbiage, and no silly double entendres that distract from the story of the characters involved.

I have editing time open after Sparrow Man, so if anyone needs me to edit or guide, please feel free to contact me at the email listed above.

I'm looking forward to posting regularly again!

Thanks for stopping by!